


The Technicalities of Flying Beds

by theootyqueen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BAMF Minerva McGonagall, But I Ain’t Sorry, Cause Im Smitten, Fluff, Flying Beds, Gen, James Potter Being an Idiot, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Okay Maybe I Regret A Bit, Oneshot, Peters Just There, Remus Regrets Everything, Sirius Black Being an Idiot, The Author Regrets Nothing, Wtf am I doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29047308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theootyqueen/pseuds/theootyqueen
Summary: In which Sirius thinks of a genius work around for the “No Students Out Of Bed At Night” rule and Minerva isn’t impressed.Warning: Do not try this at home.
Kudos: 18





	The Technicalities of Flying Beds

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a tumblr post I saw on Pinterest by “marauders4evr”. I thought it was funny and had to write a oneshot! xx

Rules.

Minerva Mcgonagall was quite a fan of them.

Rules, in her opinion, kept the peace. Of course, when she was a young witch, she would’ve scoffed at the idea, but without rules, Minerva’s hair would be much greyer nowadays. They brought a bit of balance to the chaos that was teenagers.

At least, that was the goal. There is always the chance that it could backfire and cause the students to be even _more_ rebellious than had they had just been left to their own devices, but Minerva preferred not to think about that, as she was not a fan of headaches.

She sat back in her leather chair and relaxed, her coffee mug steaming her glasses and burning her aged hands. Her mind eased as she relished in the quiet of the night, the only sound the faint hooting of the owls in the Owlery; the giant squid splashing in the lake outside; and her broom sweeping the floors behind her, the rhythmic sound lulling her to sleep, her eyes growing droopy - and how she loved nighttime, no students, no jobs, just peace ...

A distant screaming shook her out of her sleep, followed by an angered and terrified shout that surely woke every student in the castle.

”SIRIUS BLACK I’M GOING TO KILL YOU YOU F-“

* * *

For the record, Remus Lupin would like to state very clearly that he was, in no way, involved in the creation of the ridiculous - and highly dangerous - plan.

Oh no, that credit belongs _entirely_ to Sirius and his (lack of) brain.

”Are you sure this is a good idea, Pads?” 

Peter bit his lip, staring anxiously at Sirius and James from his bed. 

Sirius flashed him a grin. “Of _course_ it is, Wormy. We’re not going to break any rules, are we?”

Remus grumbled, hiding further under his pillow. 

“Oh, lighten up, Rem.” Sirius walked over and sat on the bed, attempted to pull Remus out from his hiding place. “It’s just a bit of fun, that’s all.”

”And besides: Miss Minnie only said we couldn’t be _out_ of our beds - she never said anything about our _beds_ being out of our dorms!” Pulling his wand from behind his ear, James swirled around with flourish. “Right, stand back boys, I think I’ve got it.”

Remus reluctantly let Sirius pull him off of the bunk, sitting down next to Peter and trying to ignore the shooting pains that coursed through his body. 

Sirius’ eyes shone (Remus found it both endearing and frustrating). “This is going to be ah-maze- _ing_!” 

Wand shining, James muttered a spell under his breath, aiming at his bed with intense concentration (if only he put this much effort into his Divination homework, Remus thought, maybe then he wouldn’t have to ask him for help everyday). 

At first, nothing happened. Peter let out a quiet sigh of relief.

Then the bed began to float.

Remus put his head in his hands, shaking his curly hair in despair. “Oh, Merlin save me.”

“Only guy whose gonna be saving you is me, Moons.” Sirius winked.

Remus told himself that the blush was one of anger.

Peter peeked out from under his blanket. “So ... what now?”

James and Sirius turned to look at each other for a second, before coming to a mutual agreement. A smirk creeped onto James’ face.

”Last one on the flying bed has to be Remus’ study partner for O.W.L.S!” 

Everyone started running (except for Remus, who, for one, was in too much pain to run, and, two, felt he wasn’t included in this competition). James jumped on first, leaving his wand on the bed where he had chucked it, making Pete stop and grab it for him; then Peter, whom James had to help up onto the bed, as he couldn’t jump high enough to get on; and then Sirius and Remus, as Sirius had stopped to help Remus, despite the fact that he hated studying - especially with Remus - and hated losing even more so.

Once they were all (somewhat) comfortably seated, James sat up like a conductor and pointed his wand at them all. 

“Well, boys, welcome aboard Hogwarts’ first ever flying bed. Please keep your hands and feet inside of the ride at all times, and hold onto any of our _elderly_ ,” he pointed his wand at an offended Sirius, “citizens. Now, seatbelts on,” (“What seatbelts? All I see is your dirty underwear!” Protested Remus), “And enjoy the ride!”

Before Peter could ask if he could stop for the bathroom, they were off. 

* * *

Sirius whooped as they soared down the boys staircase and crashed into the common room, and would’ve fallen off there if Remus hadn’t been grabbing him so tightly that his blood circulation was cut off.

”HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT WE’RE GONNA DIE I’M GOING TO DIE ON A FLYING BED HOLY SHIT!” Remus’ eyes were wide with terror as they zipped through the room at speeds he didn’t think was possible.

Meanwhile, a crowd of boys and girls had gathered at the bottom of the staircases, awoken by the commotion. Frank Longbottom wiped his eyes, clutching a teddy toad under his burly arms.

”What the bloody hell ...” he muttered, blinking hard. “Is that-“

”JAMES POTTER!”

James looked down to see a very angry Lily Evans glaring at him. He winked.

”Hey Evans, up for a morning stroll?”

Lily turned as red as her hair. “Get down here _right_ now, Potter, or Merlin forgive me-“

Sirius saluted, steering the bed towards the portrait exit. “No time, Evans. See ya!”

Peter popped his head from under his blanket once again just in time to see the bed crash through the Fat Lady’s painting as they tumbled down the staircase.

* * *

Minerva stormed down the hallway, each step filled with fury, towards the source of the sounds.

She turned the corner, lungs filled with oxygen and ready to argue-

A flying two-poster bunk bed barrelled right towards her, a panicked James Potter desperately trying to gain control again.

No time to think, she thought, pulling her wand from her robe and shouting a spell-

The bed skidded to a stop. The Marauders did not.

Sirius attempted a polite smile from where he lied on the concrete floor, ignoring the groaning Remus who had landed on top of him. “Hey, Miss Minnie. Lovely night for a ride, isn’t it?”

Minerva scowled. “My office, all of you. Now.”

* * *

Five minutes - and a lot of cursing - later, all four boys, plus Lily Evans (who had caught up just in time to see Minerva drag them all off by there wrists), stood in front of a very irritated McGonagall. Remus was the only one given a seat.

McGonagall paced up and down her office, the veins in her neck bulging, considering how soon was too short notice to hand in her retirement note. After twenty paces and a lot of regrets, she turned to face her students.

”Well?” She said.

No one spoke.

Minerva sighed, gripping her oak desk for support. “What, may I ask, were you - minus Miss Evans - doing in the halls on an _enchanted flying bed_ at _one in the bloody morning_?”

“It was Sirius’ idea!” Peter squeaked. He cowered away from James and Sirius’ glare, scooting closer to Remus. “I mean- Uh- Please don’t kick us out!”

Remus hid his face further into his hand. He muttered under his breath: “Merlin, why did I befriend them again?”

Silently, James, Sirius and McGonagall had a three-way staring contest. James lost.

”Well, you see, miss,” he began, fiddling with his collar. “The rules stated that you can’t be _out_ of bed after curfew.” 

Sirius continued. “And, as you may have noticed, we _weren’t_ out of bed. In fact, _you_ were the one who took us out of bed, so really, you gave us permission, you see?” He spoke calmly, the only evidence of his amusement being the way he bit the corner of his lip, trying to keep a straight face.

McGonagall’s eye twitched. “And who, may I ask, came _up_ with this idea, Mr Black?” Her eyes bore into him.

This time Sirius could not contain his grin. It slid over his face, easy and carefree. 

“Well, Minnie, I’m afraid I’d have to take full credit for that. Though, I will admit, Remus inspired it.”

Remus glared at him, sputtering. “What? How! Don’t rope me into your mess, Sirius.”

“Oh, don’t deny it, Moons - you _love_ my messes.” He looked at him, teasing. Remus cursed and hid his face again, though this time for a very different reason.

“ _I_ cast the spell though, miss.” James added, as if that helped.

McGonagall went back to her previous thoughts of resigning. She decided maybe notices do not matter - she would slip straight to the _retirement_ part.

“Just- go. Please, before I obliviate myself and run away with the squid.” She flicked her wrist and the door banged open. All five stared, shocked.

Lily began to protest. “But, miss, surely-“

”Shut it, Evans!” Sirius covered her mouth, helping Remus to his feet and scurrying towards the door. “Let’s get out of here!”

Lily tried to protest, but James grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the room before she could argue. The door slammed shut behind them with a resounding _boom_.

* * *

Minerva slid into her leather chair, holding her head in her hands. 

She could hear the boys outside of the door, cheering and whooping.

”I can’t believe she let us get away with that! This is amazing!” James yelled, his voice muffled.

Sirius’ voice echoed in return. “I know right! What next, huh, Pete?,” Peter stammered. “Oh, oh, I know! Flying beds are great, but how about sleeping brooms? Curse all brooms to refuse to fly, that’ll be hilarious - don’t you think, Moons?”

A yelp rang through the hallway. 

“Shut up, you idiot. You’re lucky we got away this time, never mind next time.”

”Aw, lighten up, Remmy.”

Their voices faded as they ran off, back to their dorms, and soon enough Minerva was in complete silence once again.

An adoring grin slipped onto her face.

“Please, let them never grow up.” She muttered to herself, eyes closing. “Let them keep their youth and fun forever.” 

And with that, Minerva drifted off to sleep, thinking of flying beds, rules and how much she loved to teach, despite the headaches.


End file.
